{this and that} a few secret thoughts

:: Whenever I alphabetize things, I always think of higher letters in the alphabet as somehow superior.  I think this stems back to always being at the front of the line because my maiden name started with a “B.”  Now, I can’t help but think that as an “A,” I win.

:: Since the little man was born, I haven’t spent as much time seeking out new music.  It felt like a luxury, something I didn’t have time for anymore.  It took me two years to realize the flaw in that thinking.

I can’t sing.  I don’t play any instruments.  I can’t really dance with any precision or grace (or without alcohol in public).  But, music is often something I can literally feel wash over me.  There is something about the combination of words and unique succession of notes that feel like a hug to me, a big blanket that curls up around my shoulders and holds me up.  And, I seem to collect people that feel the same way about music that I do.

My proudest moment so far as a parent is that I am raising a son that feels this way.  Cade will often break out dancing in the beautiful awkward attempt at keeping with the music anytime he hears a song come on….television, radio, something I am playing for him…it doesn’t matter.  Sometimes he doesn’t even notice, and other times he will look at me with a huge smile.  I just love that about him.

So, I am going to give myself a “free pass” for  a while and collect songs that make me happy. Not focus on the money of it, but on the rest of it instead. Like this one by a new-to-me band, Fun.

:: There is a trend of marriages separating (both with impending permanent separations and because of deployments) that I am noticing with several of the blogs I am reading.  It makes my heart hurt for people that I have never met but feel like I know.  I feel like I am witnessing something private that I shouldn’t be able to see as I watch them try to find words to explain how their lives are inexplicably changing and still try to stay on track with the “purpose” of their space when I know that these situations must really be taking all of their focus right now.

I want to go give them all hugs.  And, it makes me pray for the continued strength of my marriage and to hope as hard as I can that we can keep my husband out of harm’s way again.

::  And, posts like this one are resonating particularly right now (thanks Melia) as I try to figure out what I need to do to make my body feel more like “home” and less like a “cheap rental.”  To remember that I too created a tiny human from scratch, feed him almost exclusively for a year, and have a husband who loves me for what I am, not just what I want to be.

One Response to {this and that} a few secret thoughts

  1. Devon says:

    We read some of the same blogs and so I’ve felt similarly in terms of being let in on the private world of separations in relationships. This week alone, I read of one divorce, one break-up resulting in having to move out, etc. and one separation/move-out/whateverelsethatmeans. I often don’t know how to express that “I want to give you a hug feeling” of support and at the same time, I feel unsettled, questioning whether it’s possible to stay together, and how one does it and is separation just an inevitable part of life? So many questions of upheaval on my mind and wanting to make more of an effort to express my affection and appreciation for all the relationships that make my life rich and blessed.

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